Just past the newlywed stage Long-Standing Husband and I rented an apartment in a six-flat in Chicago’s West Ridge neighborhood. Reflecting back now, I have only fond memories of the six families residing in that building having lived in relative harmony, or at the very least some type of communal balance. Such was our content that within a couple of years, four of the families bought homes in that same neighborhood, within walking distance of one another; one on the same block as the very house we purchased.
There were 25 single-family homes on our block. There was a small synagog on one corner, across the street from which the Rabbi and his family resided. A bit less than 1/2 of the families that were living there when we moved in were still there when we sold and moved 38 years later.
Directly west of us our next door neighbors, for anonymity sake I will call them, the Chayt family, were among the families, like ours, that remained..., hmmm, search for word or phrase... well, long-standing, yes, long-standing. Like our 6-flat neighbors, we got along well with the Chayts. The backyards of our collective homes were fenced on three sides, leaving the space between us open. After many years we hired someone to fence off the space between us. The Chayts were hurt, “Is it something we’ve done? Have we offended you?” they asked. “No, no, of course not. It’s simply to keep our beagle from constantly marauding your yard.” “Oh, but we don’t mind!”
The widowed Mrs. Chayt was a gentle, kind soul, often offering our children a homemade pickle from her endless crock or a slice of freshly baked bread, a piece of fruit. When anyone had the slightest ailment she’d send over her matzoh ball soup. One halloween she presented our daughter with a hand-sewn gypsy costume. It featured a long, wide-tiered skirt, complete with hidden pockets, a matching blouse and headscarf. Mrs. Chayt told me, with a wink and a chuckle, that the female gypsies that frequented the markets throughout her childhood in eastern Europe wore the skirts so they could easily “pocket” the items they stole.
One summer day when the heat was intense and our older two children were dashing about the backyard, she coaxed them with homemade lemonade and taught them to do basic needle work under the shade of her backyard tree. “Is good for them to sit still a bit in this heat,” she cautioned.
Mrs. Chayt always called me, “Maria.” I corrected her a few times, to no avail. At some point I decided that I must have reminded her of someone she once knew with that name. So I became Maria. “Maria, do you want some of my peonies? They are in need of thinning.” “Maria, come. Come, I have something to show you!” I’d happily stop whatever I was doing at the call of my new name, walk across our undivided lots, eager for a chat.
The day she turned 90, her adult children planned a party for her. The hitch was that her birthday fell on Shabbat that year. They’d arranged to prepare all of the celebratory food beforehand, but there was the problem of the coffee, for to start the electric coffee pot violated their Orthodox law. They worked around it by prearranging for me to covertly enter a side door at a specified time that Saturday and surreptitiously plug in the coffee maker.
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Long-Standing Husband and I are now retired and living in a small enclave amongst many farms. A couple of years ago a group of young Mennonites (or some modern Anabaptist sect that allows for the use of motorized vehicles and equipment) bought some properties near our community. One of the families opened a cabinet-making company at one of the entrances to our development. Upon the grand opening of their cabinetry business they had an open house which L-S Husband and I attended. We met the owner (let’s call him, oh I don’t know, how about Dwayne?) Dwayne and two of his sons gave us a tour of the spotlessly organized operation. Dwayne’s wife and daughters were there as well serving homemade refreshments. Dwayne explained that 5 or 6 families from a larger sect had moved to this area from a more southern location, as they were looking for farm area where there would be more snow. Go figure? ;)
L-S Husband and I ran into some of the clan last summer at a farm auction we attended. They are always unfailingly sweet and I can’t help but love their look, with the females attired in bonnets and ankle-length pastel dresses and the menfolk in matching pastel shirts and black slacks held up by suspenders. We occasionally drive past Dwayne’s second son during the warmer weather as he mows the culverts. Without fail he glances up, smiles and waves.
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So where am I going with all of this in the middle of a national identity crisis, in a country that seems to me at risk of completely losing its moral compass and falling victim to questionable Putin/oligarch influence? The Russian government has seen fit, fairly successfully, to infiltrate our media-obsessed brains with lies and hatred, intended to pit neighbor against neighbor. Some of our politicians have been “bought” with Soviet government money so filthy it must be laundered repeatedly… how have we not learned from history?
Well, bear with me a moment…
As a former Roman Catholic, I’ve lived a fairly conservative lifestyle. I’ve been in a heterosexual marriage to the same man (Long-Standing Husband) since my 20s. I obey the laws of our government, pay my taxes, have never defaulted on a loan, have never been arrested, in fact I’ve never had so much as a speeding ticket or moving violation while driving. I no longer practice Roman Catholicism, but L-S Husband and I dutifully took our children to church and sent them to Catholic grammar and high schools. All three received their undergraduate degrees from a Jesuit university. However, despite my attempt to live what I would call a conservative lifestyle, I do not think that this qualifies me to know what’s best for anyone else. I do not think that my choices in anyway make me superior, nor do they make me inferior, to anyone else. A lifestyle is between you and your conscience or between you and your religious beliefs.
My concern, at the given moment, is with politicians who think they have a better idea of what is good for my soul, or anyone else’s for that matter.
So, this is for you, Mr. VP Mike Pence, as it looks as though you are to be our next President, named in succession as soon as the current president of the United States either resigns or is impeached.
I am happy for you that you and your wife are in a committed monogamous relationship. It’s a nice feeling, isn’t it? I applaud you, Mr. VP Pence, as you and your wife certainly know better than anyone what is best for you and your relationship. If you don't care for homosexuality, Mr. Pence, then don't engage in sex with men. It's as simple as that! Stop worrying about what others do. What really concerns me, however, is your seeming willingness, or let me rephrase that, your seeming eagerness to quickly alter our current laws for the purpose of squelching the freedoms of LGBT persons, or for restricting aid to the financially marginalized, or for repealing quality health care for all persons, or for the taking away of affordable birth control options for women, or for the removing of water potability and air quality provisions… must I go on?
I’ve learned many a lesson in life from those of different faiths, like my friend, The Shining One, a Muslim by birth ( https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=4551613852202258879#editor/target=post;postID=3495666843569404898;onPublishedMenu=template;onClosedMenu=template;postNum=1;src=postname ), or my next-door neighbor, Mrs. Chayt, or Dwayne, my new neighbor. You see, Mr. VP Pence, they did not seek to change laws to suit their beliefs, they simply, contentedly lived the lives they chose despite the lack of a corresponding government-imposed law.
My own examples: I stand in absolute opposition to the death penalty, so I would simply decline to serve on a jury that might impose a ruling calling for the execution of another human being. Additionally, I’m not crazy about the idea of abortion, so I would not have one - at least I don’t think I would, but I really don’t know because I was never placed in that agonizingly difficult, gut-wrenching situation. No, I always had affordable access to birth control, as every woman should. And there is no doubt in my mind that if men were able to become pregnant this would not even be an issue.
Well, that’s enough preaching from an ex-Catholic on a Sunday.
Oh, and one last thing, Mr. VP Mike Pence: This past week Long-Standing Husband went to our local, family-owned bank to make a withdrawal from their outdoor ATM. The ATM is housed adjacent to the handsome bank building, just under a drive-thru overhead covering. However, if you are to enter it at just a certain time when the sun is in just a certain position, try though you might, you cannot read the digital LED-lit options.
L-S Husband pulled into the ATM bay and began his transaction requesting a cash withdrawal and at just that certain moment he could no longer read the output on the multi-function device. One of the two tellers saw his difficulty and walked out to assist him. She used her override capabilities and cancelled the transaction. “There, that will do it,” she said, “I think I have cancelled the transaction. I know it’s hard to read the display sometimes. Come on inside and I will give you the cash that you requested. If there is any problem I will telephone you.”
As L-S Husband retold this event to me when he came home, he happened to mention that Dwayne had driven up to the ATM just as he, L-S Husband, was driving away.
A few minutes later L-S Husband’s cell phone rang. It was the bank teller explaining that she had not cancelled the transaction, however just after L-S Husband had driven away Dwayne had gone through the ATM and discovered the cash sitting in the dispenser. Dwayne parked his car, went inside, and returned the money.
You see, Mr. VP, soon-to-be President Pence, you cannot mandate your idea of morality. Because no matter a person's befief, either they got it or they ain’t.
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“Judging others makes us blind, whereas love is illuminating. By judging others we blind ourselves to our own evil and to the grace which others are just as entitled to as we are.”
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
“Jesus himself did not try to convert the two thieves on the cross; he waited until one of them turned to him.”
-Dietrich Bonhoeffer
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| For goodness sake, be a man/mensch, Mr. Vice President, and speak up now for your country's democracy! |
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| Merriam-Webster, where would we be without you, these days! |
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