Some years back, a female cousin of my husband told me a story of when she was new to parenting. The cousin, and her husband, had just purchased their first home in a new town and as a stay-at-home mom, she found herself bereft of friends, especially "mom friends." Out one day doing errands, she ran into a former classmate from her alma mater, Knox College. The classmate, like the cousin, was married and a new parent to a young, under nine-month-old baby and also, a "stay-at-home-parent."
"Oh, come and visit us!" begged the cousin's former classmate. "I'd be so pleased. And honestly, I could use the company right now."
A specific date and time were chosen. On the prescribed day the cousin packed up and toted her baby, and all of the considerable accoutrements necessary to traveling with an infant on a 20+ mile journey to visit a dear old acquaintance.
They had a nice visit, she remembered. They laughed and cried at their shared old and new predicaments.
The original plan had called for a mid-to-late-morning visit so the babies would be in their respective homes for lunch, and their all-important afternoon naps. But, heck, when you're having so much fun...
"Do stay for lunch! I have plenty of food for your baby. Does he eat chicken and carrots and applesauce and such? Great! I have plenty. You and I can have grilled cheese and soup. He can sleep on the drive home."
The lunch, extra time reminiscing with an old friend and sharing tips on parenting was most enjoyable, but all good things must come to an end. The cousin helped her friend clean up, then packed her baby and his regalia. Home they went. Of course, her infant son fell asleep two minutes into the thirty minute commute home. When she attempted to transition him from the car seat into the house he promptly woke, baby-refreshed and she was unable to coax him back to sleep. But heck, and so what!? It was worth an abbreviated nap to hook up with an old comrade, and more importantly, a possible new “mom-friend.”
She basked in the joy of the reconnection for a couple of days. "Isn't it nice to have a good friend so close?" she thought to herself. "Maybe we can find a baby class at some mid-way point that we can sign up for together. I think I read that the YWCA has a mother-tot music/movement class and that's about 1/2 way between our neighborhoods. Or, maybe the big new library has a story time for little ones? How fun it will be to have an old pal with whom to share with such experiences!"
A couple of days later her son took his morning nap, she stepped out onto the porch to retrieve the mail. "Oh how sweet!" she noted. "A letter from my friend! And only just yesterday I sent her my thank you note. This is looking really positive for me finding a 'mom friend,' " were her thoughts at the time.
Inside the house she quickly slit open her friend's envelope. She was confused at first as she looked at the contents. It took a minute, she confided to me, before her brain was able to make sense of it. Even then it didn't really make any sense at all. Inside the envelope was an invoice, an invoice for the jars, partial jars yet, of baby food her infant son had eaten a couple of days earlier, as well as her share of the soup and grilled cheese. "Oh, it must be a joke?" she thought. "I'll give her a call and we'll have a good laugh."
But, it wasn't a joke...
***
The story from my husband’s cousin popped back into my head when I saw the blurb about the 5-year-old British boy who parents were invoiced for "missing a birthday party." I'm certain you've seen it. It's been all over the internet and television news. Anyway the young boy's parents assented to his attending a birthday party, which was to be held at a ski resort. At a late moment they recalled that they'd previously agreed to the boy spending the same day with his grandparents. The grandparents trumped, so I say good for the parents' judgement on that matter. (I'm just saying ;) ) However, the boy's parents later receive an invoice from the birthday child's parents for what they termed a "no show" fee.
***
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I don't get penny-pinchers, not these kinds anyway. How do you justify sullying an attempt at friendship, be it for yourself or for your child, with a request for money? And maybe I've watched one-too-many Judge Judys but I fail to see any basis, in law, for such an unreasonable and petty demand.
But what I really don't get, in this recent case, is the invitee's parents who then took the whole matter to the internet in a somewhat hostile manner, not as a laugh to be shared with the world. They were offended and angry, angry enough to include a photo of their 5-year-old son for the world to see, and perhaps as a lure for empathy. Apparently, currently, the way some people handle such matters is to look for on-line support. But come on, do you have to post a picture of your child?!
Better to be like my husband’s cousin and keep it as a funny story to share with friends and family.
Thinking back now, I cannot recall whether the cousin paid the invoice or simply ignored it. At any rate, I do recall that she recognized an all-important red-flag when she saw one and dropped any idea of developing a new "mom-friend" relationship with her former college classmate.
It wasn't a joke… Oh but, indeed, it was!
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