Toward Peace 'n Quiet: A Battle in My Backyard

Some years ago, my husband and I were discussing the purchase of a couple of trees and some shrubbery with our local landscaper and his son. The four of us stood around a table that sits near a door featuring a large glass panel. As we chatted, something caught the corner of my eye. I turned to look...

Hmm, must be my imagination, I think. Then I see it again. At first I mistake it for a large moth or butterfly. Wait, it's a hummingbird!

***

As summer wanes, the hummies become especially active. They do these amazing theatrical aerial dives and loops that make me think of the Top Gun pilots in their fighter jets. I wince as I think of the g-forces they must experience as they swoop, somersault, arc, change direction at dizzying speeds and even stop mid-air.

Peaceful Husband and I sit quietly on the deck and watch the battle scene, as they zoom so close sometimes we can actually hear the whoosh of air. Suddenly one halts and hovers just inches above my Peaceful Husband's head. Spectacular!

At times I'm certain there will be a collision, but over time I witness no contact, not with each other, nor with the bees and wasps with whom they compete for nectar. They are superior athletes capable of unparalleled flight performance. And I sure hope those in charge of flight biomechanics over at Roswell Air Force are studying their flight capabilities.

Occasionally the hummies dart in for quick sips of sugar water from our feeder. I imagine that I hear them say "ollie, ollie oxen free free free," as they retreat to nearby trees to rest, recover and plan for their next assault. Or, "No fair! I called 'time out!' "

As they take off again, they emit battle cries that consists of shrill chirps. To me it actually sounds as if they're saying, "cheater-cheater-cheater."

Which in turn, reminds me of the other battlefield just beyond our deck. Did I tell you that we reside directly on a golf course? Here also, I hear "cheater! cheater!" only these refrains come from the mouths of humans especially when there is a golf tournament.

A couple of weeks back was our course's annual "Mr. and Mrs. Club Championship." Bragging rights for the following year are yours, to be had if you and your spouse take this honor. And as with many a contest, sometimes there is conflict.

Family experts say that money issues, inattention, and lack of sex are the cause for most couple's battles. I'm not sure just where golf would appear on such list, but I'm guessing, perhaps it'd be there somewhere.

"Hon, no, not that way. It breaks to the left."

"What?!" (she straightens)

"Turn your club face."

"Are you sure? I think it'll go right."

"For crissake, why can't you listen?" (says he, when she misses the putt)

They get into the golf cart, and as they drive off, I can't quite hear his comment, but I do hear her shrill, "Are you happy? Are you happy now? You've ruined my day!"

Where is the love, I think. What happened to "cuz I'd catch a grenade for ya, throw my hand on a blade for ya..."

Because of the warped way my mind works, or perhaps as a result of watching too many episodes of "City Confidential, I wonder if I'll one day hear someone say about them, "I can't believe they're divorcing." Or even, "It's a sleepy community. You'd never expect something like that to happen here..."

Just then a hummingbird buzzes me and brings me back to the moment. She flares her body out, to warn another male hummie off.

I wonder if this hummie couple will be splitting up soon. Will they stop on their migration to South America for a quickie divorce in Mexico? Will they quarrel about visitation rights for the fledglings?